In order to get to the point, I have to start from the very beginning. In a competition 16 months ago, doing a movement I would never regularly perform nor program, I felt something in my left shoulder. Not sure what that something was, I knew it wasn’t “okay”. An MRI revealed a 75% tear in the supraspinatus of my rotator cuff. Surgical intervention was the only option for repair. A few months later, I was on the table for a reconstructive surgery. Six weeks in a sling…no usage allowed followed by another 4 months of physical therapy.
Upon returning to my workouts, I took it slow on the overhead movements, but still felt as though “something” wasn’t right. I still had chronic pain. Several injections, prescription anti-inflammatories, topical gels, etc and I still had no relief. And I was in a holding pattern from progression. After 8 months, the doctor made the call for a second surgery. This time a “biceps tenodesis” procedure…basically meaning my biceps tendon was impinged in the shoulder joint. This was another reconstruction, another set back, another soul crusher.
And here I am now…nearly 3 months post-op, cleared for some light overhead movements, and trying to find my way back to training. Here’s where I struggle. Those of you who know my work ethic, taking it “easy” is very difficult for me. I am terrible at being patient. But, I also have a very real fear of re-injuring myself and having to go through this all over again. As I make my attempt at some of these workouts, I have to keep reminding myself that scaling the weight, the movements, etc. is keeping me on track for progress, but it is also protecting my shoulder from further injury. The struggle is real…but it boils down to one thing…my ego. I need to do a better job of checking that shit or else I am going to end up back on the table again.
And what does this mean for the future? Hard to say right now. My inclination is that I play it safe from here on out. That I come to terms with the reality that, according to my doctor, I will always have a “crappy” shoulder. And by “crappy”, he means compromised, weak, susceptible for re-injury. So what? I am 40. I am in pretty good shape. I can still do some pretty cool things in the gym. I can still make gains. But, I just have to approach it with a different (smarter) view.
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